she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize