i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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