So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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