TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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