i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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