Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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