none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize