I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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