Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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