I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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