i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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