I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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