Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize