sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're a waste of cheezeits
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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