i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
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the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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