dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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