Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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