I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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