it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize