My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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