Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize