At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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