when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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