oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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