I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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