i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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