i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize