I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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