i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize