my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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