when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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