Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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