last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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