I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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