i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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