I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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