They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
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Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
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I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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