Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize