just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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