dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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