i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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