Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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