he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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