it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
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all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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