the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize