Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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