The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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