More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I looked at my own cervix.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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