hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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