I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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